Category: <span>News</span>

News

Kenny Allen Memorial Hill Climb

Report on The Kenny Allan Memorial Hill Climb

Doune

21st& 22nd May 2022

 

This event was a fitting memorial to Kenny who was 7 times Scottish Hill Climb Champion and a founder member of the Veterans of Scottish Motorsport Association.

He campaigned, with amongst others, a Mini, a Vision, a Ralt (single seater) and finished his long career in motorsport in his favourite Lotus Elan.

Bo’ness 2011 – Photo by James Moir

Kenny was born in Lanark in August 1937. The family was in the garage business started by his grandfather, continued by Kenny’s Father. Kenny joined the business in 1953 having completed his 5 year apprenticeship in a garage in Lanark so cars had been a large part of his life. After marrying in 1958 he received the call to national service in the army where he began his interest in motorsport. After national service he returned to the business in Crossford. His first competition car was a mini cooper, a road car, which quickly turned into a racer. Kenny’s involvement in motorsport was mostly in speed events competing throughout the UK. He competed into his 80’s in his Lotus Elan.

A few of his achievements are;

7 times Scottish Hill Climb Champion

Scottish Speed Champion

Top 10 British Hill Climb Championship Runoffs

This memorial Hill Climb had an approximate entry of 50 plus cars entered in twelve classes. The results should be posted on www.resultsman.co.uk. If you wish to see the entry list it is on www.dounehillclimb.co.uk, simply enter the date.

There were a few Classic cars on show on Saturday 21st May but many more on Sunday 22ndMay. It was decided by the organisers on Sunday to allow, for a small fee, classic cars to run up the hill under supervision by the Clerk of the Course vehicle leading the cars. This I thought was a very progressive decision because it could be done between the competition runs when all the marshals were still in post. The classic drivers had the opportunity to drive “the King of the Hill”. The only hill in Scotland used in the British Hill Climb Championship. Quite a few classics took part. I persuade my wife, Nancy, to drive her classic MGB roadster up the hill. She had spectated there on many occasions but was amazed by the Hill and I was very glad I had persuaded her to do so. It gave the drivers a taste of what the competitors did but at a safe speed. As far as I know it is intended to hold such a historic event every year.

If you have not been to the Doune Hill Climb you should do so, walk up the spectator track and watch the cars at speed, you will be impressed.

My apologies for the long time it has taken for me to write this report, reasons being my time in hospital and my efforts to locate the results.

Barry Crichton

September 2022.

 

News

Brian Culcheth

Brian Culcheth. 1938 – 2022.

It is with regret that I heard of the death of Brian Culcheth at his home in Porlock. He passed away on Sunday 11th September 2022 with his family at his side. Brian took ill in June while he was at his home in Kilchoan on the Ardnamurchan Peninsula – a place where he spent a lot of time – and his son-in-law came up from down south and drove him back home. He was diagnosed with a brain tumour in June but did not let that get him down. For example he cycled 20 miles on 11th. August 2022.

Some of you will probably remember that Brian was our guest speaker at our 2019 Reunion Dinner at Dunblane Hydro. He was a very well respected rally driver who enjoyed a long and successful career with works drives with B.M.C. / BL. and Triumph. He competed in National and International events and his long-standing co-driver was the late Johnstone Syer who was also a member of our Association. He competed in the London to Sydney Marathon Rally and the Mexico World Cup Rally coming second. He also became the first non- Scandinavian to win the famous 1000 Lakes Rally in Finland.

He owned and ran a hardware shop and was a model train enthusiast. He also tried his hand at various other sports at which he was successful but he said that rallying allowed him to see the world.

He won the British Rally Championship in 1978 driving an Opel Rally Kadett GT/E. He said that he found it frustrating that after his 14 years or so with B.M.C. / B.L. that he won the Championship with an Opel.

Brian was a very open person and mixed well. He will be sadly missed by all who new him.

Bob Baillie

Chairman

V.S.M.A.

News

2022 Doune Hill Climb

Report on Doune Hill Climb 16th/17th April 2022

By Barry Crichton

This was the first of the Lothian Car Club’s 4 meeting held at Doune this season.

This meeting was a round of the Guyson Scottish Hill Climb Championship and also a round of the Filmtransco Lowland Speed Championship. Approx 90 entrants from 21 classes competed over the weekend with practice starting at 8.30am, timed runs starting at 13.00 on Sunday.

See results on club website www.dounehillclimb.co.uk

Weather was good on both days with no rain. The spectator entrance gate and event programme sales were handled by the Stirling and Trossachs District Scouts. Lothian Car Club was most grateful for their efforts over the weekend.

Reminder – Doune hosts a round of the British Hill Climb Championship on Saturday/Sunday 18th/19th Doune 2022. This is the only time the Championship cars will be seen in Scotland in 2022,an event not to be missed.

Back to Members Home

News

2022 Bridge of Allan Classic Car Show

Report on Classic Car Show (Bridge of Allan) Sunday 8th May

By Barry Crichton

Stirling and District Classic Car Club organised this show, their first in 3 years because of Covid restrictions.

This was a continuation of the show they had held for the previous 10 years. It was an excellent show with 600+ classic cars attended through various car clubs (45 listed in the programme) and also many individual entries, military vehicles etc.

Nancy and I attended in her MBG Roadster as an individual entry and really enjoyed ourselves. The show attracted a huge number of spectators, the weather being warm and sunny.

We would thoroughly recommend this yearly event. The organising club have over the years given most of the proceeds to local charities.

Back to Members Home

News

Events 2022

British Hill Climb Championship 2022

April 23rd/24th – Prescott

April 30th – Craigantlet

May 7th/8th – Harewood

May28th/29th – Gurston Down

June 4th/5th – Shelsey Walsh

June 18th/19th – Doune 4 rounds, 2 Sat & 2 Sun*

July 3rd – Harewood

July 13th – Bouley Bay

July16th – Val Des Terres

July 30/31st – Wiscome Park

August 13/14th – Shelsey Walsh

Sept. 3rd/4th – Prescott

Sept.24/25th – Loton Park

*This is the only time the Championship cars will compete in Scotland in 2022

Scottish Hill Climb Championship 2022

April 16/17th – Doune

May14/15th – Fintry (Aberdeen)

June11/12th – Forrestburn

August 6/7th – Fintry (Aberdeen)

August 27/28th – Forrestburn

Sept. 17/18th – Doune

May 21st/22nd Classic Hill Climb, practice Saturday, timed Sunday  (This is a new event held at Doune)

SMRC race meetings 2022:

10th April – Knockhill

8th May – Knockhill

12th June – Knockhill

16th July – Cadwell Park  *

21st August – Knockhill

9th October – Knockhill

* This is the away meeting for all classes at Cadwell Park

KNC Groundworks Motorsport UK Scottish Rally Championship 2022:

5th March – Snowman – Inverness

23rd April – Speyside Stages – Elgin

29th May – Jim Clark – Duns (Closed Road Rally)

24/25th June – Argyll Rally – Dunoon (Closed Road Rally)

23rd July – RSAC Scottish – Moffat

13th August – Grampian – Banchory

10th September – Galloway Hills – Castle Douglas

22nd October – Carlisle Stages – Kielder

 

Classic Car Shows 2022

May 8th   NOTE: Date change from 13th to 8th

Strathallan’s Games Park, Bridge of Allan – Stirling & District Classic Car Club have held shows at the Park since 2005 with the considerable proceeds going to local charities.

May 28th

Ayrshire Motor show, Ayr Race Course

June 12th

Kames Car Show NOTE: Event Cancelled

June 18/19th

Thirlestane Castle , Lauder This is the 50th Anniversary of the Borders Vintage Automobile Club and the 15th Anniversary of the BVAC Classics at Thirlestane. This year the event will be an Automotive Festival

“The Jackie Stewart Classic” presented and sponsored by ROLEX in aid of the Charity, “Race against Dementia”, set up by Sir Jackie(Honorary President of the VSMA)

I would say this will be the largest car event held in Scotland since “IGNITION” held at the SECC in 2016 & 2017, so well worth a visit. More information can be found at ww.bvca.org.uk.

June 25th/26th

Moffat Classic Car Rally

This popular event is in it’s 25th year and always attracts a huge entry of pre-1990 vehicles. After assembling in the show field on Saturday the cars head out at mid-day for the town centre parade and then on to the scenic run by St Mary’s Loch, Megget and Talla reservoirs, Devil’s Beef Tub and back to Moffat.

The cars return to the show field on Sunday for the static display. Further information at www.sre-scot.co.uk

July2nd/3rd

Royal Deeside Motor Show, Kincardine Castle, Aberdeenshire

July 9/10th

Glamis Castle – Glamis Scottish Transport Extravaganza hosted by the Strathmore Vintage Vehicle Club. This is the 46th running of the Extravaganza. Further information at www.svvc.co.uk

July 17th

Scottish Festival of Motoring, The Royal Highland Centre, Newbridge, Edinburgh

August 28th

Buckie Car Show

Sept.3rd/4th

Bo’ness Revival, Kinneil Park, Bo’ness this is a Hill Climb and Classic car show. Further information at www.bonessrevival.co.uk

Caledonian Classic & Historic Motorsport Club events 2022:

8th May – Red Hackle Tour

24th July – Museum Tour

17th/18th September – Dales Moors & Forests

4th December – Classic High Tea

In addition:

April 3rd – RSAC Spring Run

9th April – HCC  Spring Run

22/25th April – VSMA Spring Run

4th June – Rotary Club of Inverness

21st August – RSAC Three Lochs Classic

3/4th September – HCC Crofterra Pandemonia

 

 

Back to Members Home Page

News

Newsletter – 2022 February

Membership

Number of members who have signed up for annual subscription is now 132, including Honorary members of the association we have a total of 150 members. There is still time to pay your subscription to continue to be a member of The Veterans of Scottish Motorsport Association.

New Members

Since our AGM in August 2021 there have been 2 new members:

John Methven, Milngavie

George Scott, Haddington

Death of Member:

We are sad to inform you of the following death:

Bill (WD) Taylor died in early 2021

Spring Run

There are still 4 places left on the Spring Run in April. Details can be found HERE.

If you are interested please contact  Bob Baillie.

The Reunion

It is hoped that in the coming years we will be able to organise an Annual Reunion or equivalent event.

The 8th Reunion of the Association will be held on Saturday 19th November 2022 in The Radstone Hotel, Ayr Road, Larkhall, ML9 2TZ.

We are proud to announce that one of our own, John Cleland, will be our guest speaker.

John is a retired British racing driver best known not only for winning the British Touring Car Championship in 1989 and 1995, but also for the controversial last round incident which denied him the 1992 championship. He is also known for his very entertaining repartee.

 

Entry to the event is open to Members only up until the 1st of June 2022.

After that if there are any spaces left the entry will be open to guests.

The cost of the event will be £45. There are a few rooms reserved for the VSMA in the Hotel at £85BB for a single and £100BB for a double room for those who may wish to stay over. There are a few more Hotels in the vicinity.

If you wish to attend please Contact:

Bob Baillie, Chairman, at  bobbaillie287@btinternet.com

OR

Nancy Crichton, Secretary, at  vsmasec@yahoo.com

Dates for Your Diary

British Hill Climb Championship 2022

April 23rd/24th – Prescott

April 30th – Craigantlet

May 7th/8th – Harewood

May28th/29th – Gurston Down

June 4th/5th – Shelsey Walsh

June 18th/19th – Doune 4 rounds, 2 Sat & 2 Sun*

July 3rd – Harewood

July 13th – Bouley Bay

July16th – Val Des Terres

July 30/31st – Wiscome Park

August 13/14th – Shelsey Walsh

Sept. 3rd/4th – Prescott

Sept.24/25th – Loton Park

*This is the only time the Championship cars will compete in Scotland in 2022

Scottish Hill Climb Championship 2022

April 16/17th – Doune

May14/15th – Fintry (Aberdeen)

June11/12th – Forrestburn

August 6/7th – Fintry (Aberdeen)

August 27/28th – Forrestburn

Sept. 17/18th – Doune

May 21st/22nd Classic Hill Climb, practice Saturday, timed Sunday  (This is a new event held at Doune)

SMRC race meetings 2022:

10th April – Knockhill

8th May – Knockhill

12th June – Knockhill

16th July – Cadwell Park  *

21st August – Knockhill

9th October – Knockhill

* This is the away meeting for all classes at Cadwell Park

KNC Groundworks Motorsport UK Scottish Rally Championship 2022:

5th March – Snowman – Inverness

23rd April – Speyside Stages – Elgin

29th May – Jim Clark – Duns (Closed Road Rally)

24/25th June – Argyll Rally – Dunoon (Closed Road Rally)

23rd July – RSAC Scottish – Moffat

13th August – Grampian – Banchory

10th September – Galloway Hills – Castle Douglas

22nd October – Carlisle Stages – Kielder

 

Classic Car Shows 2022

May 15th **NOTE: Date changed to May 8th**

Strathallan’s Games Park, Bridge of Allan – Stirling & District Classic Car Club have held shows at the Park since 2005 with the considerable proceeds going to local charities.

May 28th

Ayrshire Motor show, Ayr Race Course

June 12th

Kames Car Show **NOTE: Event Cancelled**

June 18/19th

Thirlestane Castle , Lauder This is the 50th Anniversary of the Borders Vintage Automobile Club and the 15th Anniversary of the BVAC Classics at Thirlestane. This year the event will be an Automotive Festival

“The Jackie Stewart Classic” presented and sponsored by ROLEX in aid of the Charity, “Race against Dementia”, set up by Sir Jackie(Honorary President of the VSMA)

I would say this will be the largest car event held in Scotland since “IGNITION” held at the SECC in 2016 & 2017, so well worth a visit. More information can be found at ww.bvca.org.uk.

June 25th/26th

Moffat Classic Car Rally

This popular event is in it’s 25th year and always attracts a huge entry of pre-1990 vehicles. After assembling in the show field on Saturday the cars head out at mid-day for the town centre parade and then on to the scenic run by St Mary’s Loch, Megget and Talla reservoirs, Devil’s Beef Tub and back to Moffat.

The cars return to the show field on Sunday for the static display. Further information at www.sre-scot.co.uk

July2nd/3rd

Royal Deeside Motor Show, Kincardine Castle, Aberdeenshire

July 9/10th

Glamis Castle – Glamis Scottish Transport Extravaganza hosted by the Strathmore Vintage Vehicle Club. This is the 46th running of the Extravaganza. Further information at www.svvc.co.uk

July 17th

Scottish Festival of Motoring, The Royal Highland Centre, Newbridge, Edinburgh

August 28th

Buckie Car Show

Sept.3rd/4th

Bo’ness Revival, Kinneil Park, Bo’ness this is a Hill Climb and Classic car show. Further information at www.bonessrevival.co.uk

Caledonian Classic & Historic Motorsport Club events 2022:

8th May – Red Hackle Tour

24th July – Museum Tour

17th/18th September – Dales Moors & Forests

4th December – Classic High Tea

In addition:

April 3rd – RSAC Spring Run

9th April – HCC  Spring Run

22/25th April – VSMA Spring Run

4th June – Rotary Club of Inverness

3/4th September – HCC Crofterra Pandemonia

 

 

Back to Members Home Page

 

 

 

 

 

News

Newsletter – 2021 October

14th Oct 2021
Dear Member,

Consolidation of the Veterans of Scottish Motorsport Association

There has been quite an upheaval within the Association with a new Chairman, Secretary and a change in Board Members. One thing that became clear was that the funds of the Association were very limited and, in order to sustain and progress the Association, it was decided to introduce an annual subscription. This was voted for at the AGM held via Zoom on Thursday 4th August 2021 and to which all members were invited.
It was decided that the annual subscription would be £20.00 becoming payable on 1st January 2022 and on 1st January every year thereafter. Payment can be made by bank transfer to:
Account Holder: The Veterans of Scottish Motorsport Association.
Sort Code: 80-08-77. Account No: 00137949
or by cheque payable to V.S.M.A. and posted to:
Robert K. Baillie, 11a, Arran View, Mauchline, Ayrshire KA5 5BB
I trust that you will continue to support V.S.M.A. by taking up the annual subscription and by returning your membership details by email to vsmasec@yahoo.com or by Royal Mail to: Nancy Crichton, Secretary V.S.M.A., 42 Turnberry Gardens, Westerwood, Cumbernauld, Glasgow G68 0AZ.
One of our new Board members, Chris Paton, is doing a sterling job of updating the website and I would ask that you visit the site to keep up-to-date and update your personal information. The intention of the board is to produce quarterly newsletters with details of upcoming events and snippets of news and information which will be of assistance to members. This will be on the website and if necessary sent to a small number of members who do not use the internet.
Chris has also set up a Facebook page initially only for members which can be found by searching “Veterans of Scottish Motorsport Association”.
Please complete the accompanying form asking you to confirm your name, address, email address ( if you have one ) and the best telephone number on which you may be contacted – either landline or mobile. It is hoped that most correspondence will be carried out via email but if you don`t have an email address then it will be via Royal Mail.
With Kind Regards

Bob Baillie

Chairman, V.S.M.A.

Back to Members Home Page
News

Newsletter – September 2020

Newsletter  –  September, 2020

It seems a long time since I had any relevant information to send you about VSMA.  In fact I had problems even remembering how to put the Newsletter together!  I presume you have had a look at Tom Coffield’s very full page. 

Fortunately, I have had NO deaths to report this month, which is a pleasant change.

I expect you are all getting more than fed up with the lockdown and sheltering, we certainly are but still speaking each other!

———————————————————————————————————–

New Member:

I am delighted to welcome the a new member to the Association.  You may have already seen his details in the Members List on our website, have a look:

Peter Shankley

14F9147FABC344298C77CEB16D0513E0-300x219.jpg

I was more than delighted to receive an article from Peter Shankley on his Motorsport exploits to date, he has added some very interesting personal Motor Sport stories to the”Tales from the Past” section.  Worth a look.

————————————————————————————————————

Some Funnies:

Again, in the absence of anything to report in the VSMA world, here a few things to lighten up your day!

From my niece:   This made me laugh

Primary School Children Writing About The Sea

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don’t have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age1f60e.png

6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs. (Emily Burniston age 5)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I’m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting, Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.  (Becky age 1f60e.png

13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water shot up her fanny (Julie age 7).

————————————————————————————————————

From Bill Barr:

82 year-old Morris went to the doctor to get a physical.  A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.  A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’

Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

————————————————————————————————————

 


Thats all folks

Stuart Parker, August 2020                               Back to top

————————————————————————————————————

Remember, older news items can be found in the “Archived News Items” page.  We would welcome additional photographs for any of the pages, but in particular we would love to be able to insert “mug shots” of people on their own page.  This would let other members put a face to a name.  So, if you have not already done so, dig out a recent photograph of your self and send it to me (in digital format) by email or send the original by post which I can copy and return to you.

If you would like to add anything (within reason) to the site, just send the copy to me and I will do the rest.

News

Newsletter  –  April, 2020

Newsletter  –  April, 2020

Dear member,

I would assume that many of you have been, like Mairi and I, confined to barracks for the last few weeks – and it looks like it may be a bit longer!  As I have learned from my son in the USA, the News is not so good on the virus front – already he has been giving lectures on Covid-19 to fellow ex-graduates.  Anyway, lets look on the bright side if we can!

Unfortunately we have had to cancel or at least postpone this years Spring Run to 2021.  Hopefully nothing will change in the route or location headquarters through in Lundin Links, Fife.  Those who have already entered have agreed that we keep their entry monies until next year – so many, many thanks.  The Hotel too have filled in a date for us next spring – fingers crossed!

 

The adjacent photograph was taken of Stirling Moss driving the Vanwall at Knockhill in 2007. Shortly after that he was asked to join the ranks of VSMA, which he readily agreed to do.  Unfortunately,  his name has now been added to our PastVeterans.  As most who have reported on his death, and who met him on occasions, he was a true gentlemen of Motor Sport and surely will be remembered as such.

 

 

 

 

 

————————————————————————————————————

Deaths:

I am sad to report the following deaths which have been notified to me since the last Newsletter:-

Ian Cunningham, Edinburgh died 9th Nov, 2013

Bill Nolan, Larbert died August 2018

Charlie Brown,  Killearn died 4th April, 2020

Trevor Park, Aberdeen died 5th April 2020

Stirling Moss OBE, London died on 18th April, 2020

————————————————————————————————————-

New Email addresses:

I bring to your attention the following changes;

    George Deans is now at  george.dean1@icloud.com

    Robert McKenzie has changed to robmckenzie16@gmail.com

    Charlie Young has changed his email address to  charlieyoung2009@gmail.com

Jimmy McInnes has changed hi email address to jimmymac3114@gmail.com

————————————————————————————————————

New Members:

I am delighted to welcome the following five to membership of the Association.  Their details can be found on clicking their name in the Members List on the website:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John Brownie, Inverurie

David Duffield, Kirkliston, W. Lothian

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ron Cumming, Northfield, Aberde

Margaret Baillie, Mauchline

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nancy Crichton, Cumbernauld


Some Funnies:

In the absence of anything to report in the VSMA world I think a few things to lighten up your day would be appropriate – form contributing members!

Bill Barr didn’t think it would be very long before somebody came up with something relating to the virus, and here it is. It’s pretty cleaver. If you want to sing it, it goes quite well to the tune of Auld Lang Syne.

Tae A Virus

Twa months ago, we didna ken

Yer name or ocht aboot ye

But lots of things hiv changed since then,

I really must salute ye.

 

Yer spreading rate is quite intense,

Yer feedin like a gannet

Disruption caused, is so immense,

Ye’ve shaken oor wee planet.

 

Corona used tae be beer,

They garnished wae limes,

But noo it’s filled us awe wae fear

These days are scary times.

 

Nae shakin hawns, or peckin lips,

It’s whit they awe advise

But scrub them weel, richt tae the tips,

That’s how we’ll awe survive.

 

Just stay inside, the hoose ye bide

Nae sneakin oot for strolls

Just check the lavvy, every hoor

And stocktake your, loo rolls

 

Our holidays have been pit aff

Noo that’s the Jet2 patter,

Pit oan yer thermals, have a laugh

And paddle ‘doon ra waatter

 

Canary Isles! no fur a while

Nae need fur suntan cream

And awe because o’ this wee bug

We ken, tae be nineteen

 

The boredom surely will set in,

But have a read, or doodle,

Or plan yer meals for the month

Wi 95 pot noodles

 

When these run oot, just look aboot

A change, it would be nice

We’ve beans and pasta by the ton

and twenty stane o’ rice.

 

So dinny think ye’ll wipe us oot,

Aye true, a few have died,

Bubonic, bird flu and TB

They came, they left, they tried.

 

Ye might be gallus, noo ma freen,

As ye jump fae cup tae cup

But when we get oor vaccine made

Yer number, will be UP.


Jimmy McInnes found that once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words

The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle 👎, olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon 👎, a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

The winners are:

-Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

-Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

-Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

-Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

-Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

– Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

– Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

– Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

– Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

And the pick of the literature:
– Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.


That’s all folks………………. !

Stuart Parker, April 2020                                                                      Back to top


 

News

Newsletter, December, 2019

Newsletter, December 2019

Can I refer you to Andrew Cowan’s page within the Past Veterans section of the site.  The following obituary appeared in the Glasgow Herald on 30th October. and gives an excellent summary of Andrew’s life and motorsport career

Annual General Meeting – 6th December

As usual this was held in Boyd Tunnock’s establishment in Uddingston which commenced with a buffet supplied by Boyd including of course, pies, teacakes and Carmel wafers!   The turnout was up slightly at 18 members and partners.

Chairman Jimmy McInnes welcomed everyone with the announcement that he was retiring as Chairman of VSMA.  Jimmy had been Chairman since the beginning of the association in 2001.  Following the reports from Chairman Jimmy, Secretary Stuart Parker and Treasurer Bob Baillie. The meeting went on to elect the new Executive Board which was as follows:

Chairman  –  Bob Baillie

Vice-Chairman  –   Barry Crichton

 Secretary  –   Stuart Parker

Treasurer   –   Bob Baillie

Bob Baillie then took the chair and immediately thanked Jimmy McInnes for all his work and leadership over the formative. years of the association. He then proposed that Jimmy be made an Honorary Vice-President which was adopted unanimously.

Mid Bruce and Donald Gordon having stepped down from the Board saw the election of the following five members:

Ian Smillie, Jack Davidson, Duncan Paterson, Mike How and Chris Paton

they will join Hugh MacKinnon, Adele Patterson and Charlie Young who had remained as Ordinary Board members under Art 33 of the Articles of the Association.

Thereafter there was a general discussion of topics such as Reunions before the meeting closed after about 40 minutes!


Death of Member:

I am sad to inform you of the following deaths:

Betty Craig had died in 2017

Tom Prestly, Hamilton, in December 2017

Andrew Tymkewycz, Heriot, died 2018

Guenda Young, Islay, died on 15th October 2019

Angus Pattison, Glasgow, died 23rd October, 2019

Rob McKinna, West Linton, died November 2019

Andrew Cowan, Berwick-on-Tweed, died 15th October 2019

As you know the death of Andrew Cowan, our first Vice-Presidents, was felt by everyone in VSMA.  He had been a true supporter of our organisation in many ways and will certainly be missed.

There will be a Memorial service to Andrew in Duns on Saturday 1st February, 2020 at 1pm.

Here is the official notice of this important event, click below to open this notice:

MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR ANDREW COWAN


New Member:

I am delighted to welcome the following to membership of the Association.  Their details can be found on clicking their name in the Members List on the website:

Darren Banks, Anstruther

Bob Shearer, Perth

Robert Kelly, Malinger, Bucks.


Member’s contact changes and New Email addresses:

Alan Muir  –  has a new address and telephone number

Tony Fleming  – wfleming_205@hotmail.co.uk

George Gibson  –  gtgibson@gmail.com

John McIntyre    McIntyre.john.1953@gmail.com

Pat Hilley  –  pathilley@hotmail.co.uk

Donald Heggie  –  mdheggie@icloud.com

Chris Edwards  –  edwards007@btinternet.com


Some more website Updates:

Ian McRae  –  updated Motor Sport history

Ronnie Martin – data update

Pete Weall upgraded his recent activities

Chris Edwards has moved to Kinross


7th V.S.M.A. Reunion 2019: 

A full report with photographs has been published on the website!   Click here  to view it now.  It turned out to be a very successful and enjoyable event – and we made a small surplus of just over £100.

Back to top of this article


BREXIT IN GOLFING TERMS

At the Golf Club……….

Ladies Captain, Mrs May, has resigned from her Golf Club, and is returning her locker key, when Mr Barnier, the Membership Secretary, sees her.

“Hello, Mrs May,” says a cheerful Mr Barnier. “I’m so sorry to hear you are no longer renewing your club membership. Please come to my office, and we can settle your account.”

“I have paid my bar bill,” says Mrs May.

“Ah yes Mrs May,” says Mr Barnier, “but there are other matters to be settled.”

In Mr Barnier’s office, Mrs May repeats that she has settled her bar bill, so wonders what else she can possibly owe the Golf Club.

“Well, Mrs May,” begins Mr Barnier, “you did agree to buy one of our new Club jackets?”

“Yes,” says Mrs May “I did agree to buy a jacket but I haven’t received it yet. As soon as you supply the jacket I will send you a cheque for the full amount.”

“That will not be possible” explains Mr Barnier. “As you are no longer a club member you will not be entitled to wear one of our jackets.”

“But you still want me to pay for it?” exclaims Mrs May.

“Yes,” says Mr Barnier, “That will be £500 for the jacket, as it has already been ordered in your size.  There is also your bar bill.”

“But I’ve already settled my bar bill,” says Mrs May.  “I told you that.”

“Indeed,” says Mr Barnier, “but as you can appreciate, we need to place our orders with the liquor suppliers in advance, to ensure our bar is properly stocked, and you regularly used to spend at least £50 a week in the bar, so we have placed orders accordingly for the coming year. You therefore owe us £2500 for that.”

“Will you still allow me to have those drinks?” asks Mrs May.

“Certainly not Mrs May,” says Mr Barnier. You are no longer a club member!”

“Next is your restaurant bill” continues Mr Barnier. “In the same manner, we have to make arrangements in advance with our catering suppliers. Your average restaurant bill was in the order of £300 a month, so we require payment of £3,600 for the next year.”

“I don’t suppose you’ll be letting me have those meals either,” says Mrs May.

“No, of course not,” says a clearly irritated Mr Barnier. “You are no longer a club member!”

Mr Barnier continues.  “Then there are the repairs to the clubhouse roof.” 

“Clubhouse roof!” exclaims Mrs May, “What has that got to do with me?”

“Well it still needs to be repaired, and the damage occurred while you were a member, and the builders are coming in next week.  Your share of the bill is £2000.”

“I see,” says Mrs May. “Is there anything else?”

“Now you mention it” says Mr Barnier, “there is Fred the barman’s pension. We would like you to pay £5 a week towards Fred’s pension when he retires next month.  He’s not well you know, so I doubt we’ll need to ask you for payment for more than about five years, so £1300 should do it. That brings your total bill to £10,000″ says Mr Barnier.

“Let me get this straight,” says Mrs May. “You want me to pay £500 for a jacket you won’t let me have, £2600 for beverages you won’t let me drink, and £3600 for food you won’t let me eat, all under a roof where I won’t be allowed to sit, while not being served by a man who is going to retire next month on a pension paid for by me?”

“Yes, it’s all perfectly clear and quite reasonable,” says Mr Barnier.  “And could I just say what a remarkable grasp of the situation you have!”

But Mr Barnier continues.  “And of course, as you were Ladies Captain, I think it would be appropriate for the members to hold a small dinner to mark your excellent and generous period of membership. There will only be 27 of them, so the bill shouldn’t be more than £4,000 or so. We can forward it to you after the event.

So I don’t get to attend that dinner myself?” asks Mrs May.

”Well of course not” says Mr Barnier. “How could you? You are not a member!”

Now we understand Brexit!

©Malcolm Parkin 2019

Advice from an Expert  –   Bill Barr

Why men shouldn’t write advice columns

Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV.  My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour’s daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbour’s daughter is 19.  We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won’t go to counselling, and I’m afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you help please?

Sincerely, Sheila.

Dear Sheila,.

A car stalling after being driven short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine Start by checkin that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel-pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors;

I hope this helps,

John


That’s all folks………………. !

Stuart Parker, December 2019                                                                      Back to top


Remember, older news items can be found in the “Archived News Items” page.  We would welcome additional photographs for any of the pages, but in particular we would love to be able to insert “mug shots” of people on their own page.  This would let other members put a face to a name.  So, if you have not already done so, dig out a recent photograph of your self and send it to me (in digital format) by email or send the original by post which I can copy and return to you.
If you would like to add anything (within reason) to the site, just send the copy to me and I will do the rest.